m0n b|0g

things that i want to do, things that i need to do, things that i should do…sometimes i wish life could be more simple, but that would take the meaning out of life wouldn’t it. i’d blog again, lest i fall into the pits of my own madness

is back on the dusty road down onto the dark side of dusk, done and don’t, flame and finery. So just sing and let it be, shake down the sides of savoury sanity, join in the just jewelry and dance to the dark heart beat.

I actually did something for halloween, for the first time, when I am already 21. I didn’t really know how to play in my childhood you see.

Well i didn’t really do much, but merely asked a friend, who kindly helped me with some gothic makeup to make me look like a deathly ghoul who probably drowned to death.

Oh and i learnt alot more that night. About how status AND ability does matter in other people’s mind. So it’s not just about anything else.

Suddenly this friend of mine came and publicized his blog, apparently because he was trying to find people to hire him to write, and I found this quote extremely interesting. He said Life is an effed up Lie

That’s a real monster me
Eating myself from within
Showing my beating heart through
A hole in my chest

Scream and shout
Ask them to help
They say i am noisy
Ask somebody else
I’m busy watching
How the world still spins
Even when you die

They wanted a quiet show
Let them forget
Their own monster
Had already eaten their hearts
And then I suddenly see
They are all monsters.
Like me

NUS is a little like hogwarts. It’s really full of wonders as well as, creepy crawlies. I’m trying to feel better and i hope by writing a little i would. So here goes.

And i wish i could be more effecient

A nice kind of emo is to be in serenity. I’ve been feeling that recently, even with the hectic school life. I think i’m pretty amazing sometimes. Saw this and it touched my heart. Even with the tantrums and unreasonable things i receive. Kudos. If big bruddah is really gone, RIP. You made a difference. I wish i could too.

Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

The Starfish
Ka Hôkû Kai
[kah HOH' KOO' kai]

Once upon a time, there was a wise kupuna (elder),
who went to the sea to contemplate.
One day, while walking along the shore,
the kupuna looked down the beach,
and saw a gracefully dancing
human figure.

The kupuna wondered out loud,
“Who would so joyfully greet this day with hula?”
and began to walk faster to catch up.

Getting closer,
the kupuna saw that the dancer was a keiki (child),
who was not dancing at all.
The keiki was reaching down to the sand to pick up something,
and was very gently throwing it into the sea.

The kupuna called out to the keiki,
“Aloha! What are you doing?”

The keiki paused, looked up and replied,
“Throwing starfish into the sea.”

Surprised, the kupuna sputtered,
“I…I guess I should have asked,
WHY are you throwing starfish into the sea?”

The keiki smiled brightly, pointed upward and,
with exquisite simplicity, replied,
“The sun is up, the tide is going out.
If I don’t throw them in, they will die.”

“But, don’t you realize, ” asked the kupuna,
“that there are miles and miles of beach
and starfish all along it?
You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The keiki listened politely.
Then bent down, picked up another starfish,
threw it gently into the sea, just beyond the breaking waves,
and exuberantly declared,
“It made a difference for that one.”

taken from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_YfyKahP-0&feature=rec-fav-watch-cur_emp-farside_rev-rn

Anger is like a monster. Sometimes it chases after you and makes you run in a frenzy without direction. Sometimes after you stop, you realize you don’t know where you are, or worse still, you’re down a hole you don’t want to be but you can’t get back. I thought i kept the monster well. Sometimes it helps me run faster. I wonder if i ran too fast today

I am so glad to see that there is still kindness in the world. It shows that there is still love.

I saw on the train, a girl telling her boyfriend (at least i think he is) to give up the seat to a pregnant lady. The guy teased her and asked her to give up the seat herself. I guess it’s pretty normal for them to joke with each other because they were pretty good-natured about it. Anyway once the girl gave up her seat, the guy stood up to let her have the seat immediately, almost as if they were thinking as one.

And i smiled to myself.

And the sky seemed a little brighter.

sometimes i really hate it when people are bastards. and they pretend they’re really big and know-it-all. then they’d speak in such condescending tones to make people feel inferior. i’d try not to be bothered but it doesn’t always work.

Sometimes I think my controlling of anger does not work very well. Not that i can’t control, but the effects of not showing anger works against me in some situations. Perhaps i should be less meek, even if it goes against my beliefs. I shall contemplate on this.

And i think i should not take things out with people who are close to me. It shouldn’t be that way, but it still happens. Need improvement.

Perhaps i look down on myself too much.

I guess i should know what depression feels like, and i think i’m having depression now. i don’t even get turned on by food anymore.

Was on a low since yesterday. It’s hard to pretend to be hyped up like that. Perhaps that’s why i was only a nominee and not a winner. Big time loser hurh. Sometimes i wonder how bad it could be. Does not being able to give a pickup line to a girl = me being gay? HurHur being teased by girls aint that cool btw. still, i guess i tried only a little. I wonder if i could do better…